BACONNNN!
~
Judging by the Flitch family calendar (magnetically affixed to our home refrigerator), wedding season has descended upon us like fire ants at a Polynesian picnic. Now, I have nothing against weddings — heck, me & the missus are ten years removed from our betrothal and still going strong. However, I must admit to getting more than a bit antsy during wedding ceremonies, especially when the Preacher/Rabbi/Officiant trots out cliche Bible/Torah/Chicken Soup for the Soul passages to kill time.
I have invented a game for such moments. It’s not necessarily a game for which I am proud, but it does sure help pass the time until the reception. There’s only one rule, and this is it:
- Substitute the world “bacon” for love
Yep. That’s it. Try it, and tell me that any old wedding — even those where the woman is made from the rib and has lives to serve her man Old Testiment style — becomes far more enjoyable.
Just to prove that everything goes better with bacon, we give you the baconized version of Corinthians 13:4-8:
Bacon is patient, bacon is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Bacon does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Bacon never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
So, go forth and enjoy wedding season. And yes, you may kiss the bacon.
